By Steve Janoski
“Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony…you can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!” - Monty Python and the Holy Grail
There’s a lot of things about Great Britain that I, try as I might, simply don’t understand: their hatred of guns, their apparent comfort with “Big Brother’s” cameras watching them from every stoplight and street corner, or those girly accents that do well to conceal the fact that they once had the largest empire in the history of the world.
However, on this Friday afternoon, as that country basks in the glow of its post-royal-wedding bliss, I can say that the one facet that totally boggles my mind is the obsession with “royalty” and a “royal family” still matters.
Like most of us in this country, I am a follower of and true believer in classic liberalism. I vote in every election I can, even the ones where I have to write in Bill Parcells’ name (again) because I hate all the candidates, and the Virginia state motto, “Sic Semper Tyrannis” (“Thus always to tyrants”) has always appealed to a certain part of my nature.
I guess its this inherently independent, positively “American” streak that makes me wonder how any man can, in these early years of the 21st century, be willing to call any other man his “king,” even if that title is only in relation to a powerless figurehead like Prince William will one day be.
One colleague of mine referenced the Kennedys as a type of “American royalty” to prove that no country is impervious to this infatuation with people we think are better than us.
He’s right— there is some mystique to that clan, and it’s been furthered by the cursed Irish luck that befalls them every so often.
But the Kennedys became famous, above all, because they were movers— John F. Kennedy was one of the most influential Presidents of the last century while Ted Kennedy became, over his 138-year stint in the Senate, an intensely powerful man who took part in passing countless pieces of law. Who knows how much Robert F. Kennedy could have accomplished had he been given a chance to lead.
That family is famous for much more than just….well, being famous.
Furthermore, Joe Kennedy made his money the American way— from the ground up through the selling of realty, the importation of liquor, and the implementation of Wall Street practices that would likely be illegal today.
This is in sharp contrast to The Royal Family, whose wealth is derived from “hereditary title,” which means, more or less, through the accumulated results of blood and oppression over the centuries.
The Queen’s third great grandfather was actually America’s favorite king, George III. He’s the one who so generously gave all the royal property to the government— effectively ensuring that the public would always be on the hook to maintain them.
Even now, the Queen is supported by the British people— a recent CNBC article pointed out that she receives just under $84 million per year from the nation’s citizens in return for…I don’t know. Something.
Maintaining this expensive monarchy when they do so little is like making the payments on a Ferrari that’s got no engine block; most of the year, the family exists as little more than tabloid fodder— hardly worth the $84 million.
But of course, during this grand spectacle of “The Royal Wedding,” all of Britain stands up and cheers wildly whenever the couple kiss, and will sing their de facto national anthem of “God Save the Queen.”
This will last but a few months until those same tabloids begin plastering their front page with rumors about how the Queen is having an affair with an Elvis incarnate or how the King’s (inevitable) hairpiece gets up and ambles away during meetings.
And this will occur until one of them dies, at which point the nation will revert to its solemn, stiff-upper lipped ideal of how they should be acting in regards to “royalty.”
Bizarre.
Thomas Paine had it right when he said that, “Of more worth is one honest man to society and in the sight of God, than all the crowned ruffians that ever lived.”
How this lesson escaped the enamored masses of Britons amazes me.
E-mail: janoski@northjersey.com
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